Just Curious...

When are we ever not in relationship? Think about it. People, spouses, friends, children, siblings, neighbors, team mates, colleagues, in-laws, staff members, our pets, clients. And then there's money, nature, homes, illness, cars, sport teams, musicians, classmates, servers in restaurants, the President. Everywhere we turn, whether for moments or a lifetime, we are in relationship with something, someone.

For me, today: I am in relationship with my spouse, my son, my pets. There will be relationship with my contractor, my client (a fundraising department of a non-profit organization), my financial adviser, my car, my son's doctor. I will greet neighbors when walking the dog. I will meet up with my son and his friends when they volunteer at a senior center later this afternoon. We are planning to eat dinner out tonight so there will be some restaurant personnel and money to be with. Over the course of the day there will be many e-mails to respond to and phone calls to answer. And there will be dozens of other relationships to navigate. Relationships are everywhere.

What do you notice about who and what you are in relationship with today? What do you notice about yourself when being in relationship? Which relationship really satisfies you, creates ease and happiness? Which relationship causes stress or anxiety or bores you? What do you find most challenging about being in relationship? Since we can never not be in relationship, what does it take to be more present to them, intentional about them, and skillful in them?

Enjoy the day!

School Days

Last night was back-to-school night at my son's high school. Hundreds of parents shuffling from classroom to classroom, listening to teachers describe grading procedures, attendance policies, methods for contacting them, on-line grade reports, and course outlines. Good times!

And while I really hope my boy is taking in the high quality academic teaching he is offered (I am sure he is), I have to admit, there is some really solid teaching adorning posters hanging on the walls in his tenth grade classrooms:

• Make somebody's day.
• Ignorance is not an excuse.
• Choose your attitude.
• Be wise, protect your eyes.
• The expert in anything was once a beginner.
• Just because something is difficult doesn't mean you shouldn't try, it means you should just try harder.
• Reading can take you to the top.

And my personal favorite was a set of posters asking:

• Who am I in the world?
• What is right and wrong?
• How do I communicate effectively?
• How do I recognize/understand/interpret differences?
  

Look around yourself...right now...in this moment. What do you see? What will you learn from what is around you? What are you being reminded of right now? What meaning will you make of the images/sounds/feelings in your space at this moment?

Now back to class!

Being Big!

This is Maria. Extraordinary Maria. Maria is the instructor of the aqua-fitness class I take three times per week at the local Jewish Community Center. I have never been a gym-person, a pool-person, an exercise-person but Maria makes it all possible. She is motivating. She is creative. She is highly trained, professional, and a learner herself. And what I notice about Maria--more than anything--is her absolute commitment to each student living a great life by feeling good and exercising with personal rigor.

Today, in class, something happened. Our exercise program was far more psychological than physical (although the physical workout was excellent). Maria wanted each student to be big today... really BIG. She wanted our movements to be intentionally big, wider, longer, deeper. She wanted attention paid to each movement, making them mean something...awareness. Through the entire class, in between shouting instructions and demonstrating techniques, she repeated: "be big...come on, you can do this...get big, get long...think about your movement...you benefit more from big...be big..."

I found myself fixated on my big-ness, my ability to get more from my workout than usual. I heard Maria really pushing me to a bigger place, to a bigger result. It was as though she was diligently pulling each student towards his/her greatest goal. My goal felt possible. My goal was clear. I was going to be BIG.

At times, all we need is someone reminding us we can be big. At times, having someone hold our bigger goal for a bit while we do the hard work is really useful. At times, the geography of being pulled forward is much more powerful than being pushed. Being reminded I can be more, I can be bigger resonates deeply for me. Knowing someone is looking after my whole life, keying into my values and sense of purpose, and holding me bigger than a workout or my day, is incredibly motivating.

Who holds you really big? What does it look like? What does being small look like in your life? Take that smallness and make it big; what do you notice? What would you like someone else to hold for you for a moment so you can do the work of being big? What holds you back from asking? The opposite of big doesn't have to be small; it can be complacent, bored, unhappy, inefficient, lazy, and a myriad of other things. If you're not big right now, what are you?

Off to my day...my really BIG day!

An Invitation

Patience, please

Go to "the Google" (that's a George W. Bushism) and type in "change" and watch you computer nearly crash from over-processing. Climate change. Coins. Obama and change. Change agents. Change theory. Change process. Change models. Sustainable change. Social change model. Technology of change. A case study on epic change. It goes on and on. Over 1, 080,000,000 hits when you put "change" in the Google!

So what do we know about change? It's hard work. It is painful at times. It takes time and resources. Change, for the sake of change, is not change. Sometimes the change you get is bigger than the change you set out to create. Change is fluid. Some people respond really well to change, welcome it, embrace it. Sometimes change is very clear, easy and other times it is a murky, messy process. Change is a forward action...it propels you from where you are to someplace new...for better or for worse. Change will always be a part of our lives, until we die, and even then, change will carry on. Hold on!

It seems everyone I know is in a state of big change right now. And nerves are raw! And I wonder: What do you like about change? What do you need to address in your life before the change occurs? How do you stay with the process when you want to run? How does your attitude about change affect the way you do it? What do you recall about your best (or worst) change experience? What is it that you do that makes the process of change so do-able (or not)? What kind of leader or shaper or follower of change are you?

There are few topics to ponder that are this big. In my experience, if change were a ledge, many people (and organizations and teams and relationships and families and communities and countries and associations and neighborhoods and...) are perched up on the edge looking out and over, some ready to soar and others afraid to move, a few dangling over the edge being held by bloody fingernails, a few crashing to the bottom, and a few others who are turning from the edge and running.

Where are you on the ledge?

Enjoy the weekend.

Battle Ready

Battle ready. That's my hope. It's my current perspective. This morning I am plotting out some important tasks that need to be managed this week and I am shocked by the complexity of the systems I face. I am feeling like I am suiting up for a major effort, some of it probably easy and a lot of it very difficult. For example:

• We are dealing with an insurance claim at our home (a 50 year old retaining wall and deck collapsed) and we are trying to get it settled. The insurance company has been amazingly efficient. Our mortgage lender has been impossible!

• We just got a boat (a birthday present from my sister!) and it has to be registered, insured, licensed. I understand a sales tax also has to be paid. This means the motor vehicle department and the IRS. And then there is a tune-up and a required Coast Guard safety course.
  

• School is beginning in two weeks for my high school sophomore and there are school supplies to purchase and an impacted course schedule to adjust. This means a visit to the office supply store and guidance counselors.

• The American healthcare debate and the American political theater...what more to say?

As I head into the week, I lean into my skills as an organizer and problem solver and I try to maintain an efficient stride as I persevere. Trying to have a sense of humor (and a good book for the long waits) is good too. And I just get so curious about how we humans got ourselves so overburdened by systems that no one can understand or manage. Who can understand the IRS or the insurance industry or the home mortgage industry or the public school system? Who?

What does the preparation for this kind of systems engagement look like for you? How do you keep it simple, clear, in perspective, productive? How do you hold people (usually un-empowered workers) in the system accountable for their responsibility to the system? What's it like knowing you have a miniscule presence in a gargantuan system? If we all individually work within the system and the system appears to work, does this mean the system is functional? What power or responsibility do we have to impact (or fix? or streamline? or eliminate?) systems that are no longer useful or too unwieldy to be effective?

And what are you aware of when you consider the systems you have created in your own life? Or organization? Or relationship? Or team? What do you notice when your non-profit organization's board begins to look so weighted down in muck like the IRS system? What do you notice when your marriage begins to sound like an endless chain of voice mail and robot sounding automated voice prompts (push #1 for accounts, push #2 for payments, etc.)? When you notice your system has become [fill in the descriptor of your choice here], what next?

I am geting ready for my week. Off to races. Into the battle. Ready to be patient. Ready to smile and be kind. Ready to complete forms, write checks, gather and present papers. Ready to manage my frustration and celebrate the moments of surprise. And all the while I am going to observe the systems I encounter. Will you join me?

I will report back!

Enjoy the week.

The Survey Says...

I was asked by my doctor to participate in a study he is conducting of his patients who have had spinal surgeries and/or who undergo spine-related pain management therapies. What was so surprising about the study was that it was about quality of life and not medical care. I loved being asked to reflect upon my quality of life. And you?

The survey included the following:

We know that the meaning of Quality of Life differs from person to person. People can even change their own thinking on what is important for their quality of life at different points in life. In this questionnaire we would like to understand your view on your quality of life at this time. By "Quality of Life" we mean how you have been feeling in general and how satisfied you are with how things are going for you in your life, right now (generally, overall).

In a sentence, what does "Quality of Life" mean to you at this time?

In order to have the most satisfying life possible...

What are the (3) main things you want to accomplish?
What are the (3) main problems you want to solve?
What (3) situations do you want to prevent or avoid?
What (3) things do you want to keep the same as they are now?
What (3) things do you want to accept as they are?
What (3) demands and responsibilities do you want to let go of or reduce?

When you answer the questions for yourself, take a moment to celebrate your awareness and then share this awareness with someone else! You'll be glad you did.

Enjoy the weekend!